


I Wasn't Going To

by moonlightatday



Series: GBG/BBS One Shots [4]
Category: Banana Bus Squad, The Misfits (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, M/M, Near Suicide, fitz is there if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 19:19:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17945588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightatday/pseuds/moonlightatday
Summary: john? wanting to die? you're out of your mind.





	I Wasn't Going To

**Author's Note:**

> i know smii7y's name isn't lucas and i Don't care

john? wanting to die? you're out of your mind.

on the top of the small apartment building, john wasn't thinking of jumping. he swears to you, on his mother's grave, he wasn't thinking of jumping from that height. sure, it'd be a quick and easy death, but imagine having to be the person to clean his body from the pavement? ew, gross.

john just wanted to think. he swears to you on his father's heart, he just wanted to think. yeah, he'd be free of all his problems and stress, but wouldn't someone miss him? anyone? the old lady who lived in the apartment next to him, perhaps?

john swears to you that he was  _not_ going to jump.

and he didn't.

john can tell you all he wants, but he knows that he was thinking of jumping. he wanted to jump. what he did not want was a group of his friends yelling at him about why he's up there. why  _was_  he up there?

john could hear numerous voices begging him to come down. what are they talking about? he's not going to jump. he looks down to the ground to see a small crowd of people. his friends must really care about him. maybe they only want to look like good people so their reputation wouldn't be ruined? that's probably it.

he could hear only hear one voice out of the entire crowd of people on the ground. lucas looks and sounds like he is sobbing, pleading with john to come down.

why are they so worried? he's not going to jump.

lucas is going to ruin his voice if he keeps screaming like that. john only wants the best for the one he loves the most, so john figures he should probably come down.

john steps back from the ledge, making his way to the door that let him up here in the first place. it is red and rusty. when he opens it, it makes a loud creaking sound that makes him visibly cringe. instead of taking the elevator from the top floor to his floor, he decides to take the stairs. the way he takes to his apartment didn't really bother him at the moment. what does bother him is the loud stomping of footsteps leading to his floor.

john just wants to go out in peace, why wouldn't they let him?

thinking that sentence through, suicide isn't really a peaceful way to go. pretty brutal, if you think about it. it's like murder of the self.

when john finally reaches his apartment, he is greeted by 6 of his friends, a few of them in tears and all of them impatient.

"what the hell were you thinking?" cam asks. john thinks it was cam, at least. he can't be bothered to check. he just wants to die. why didn't he take the chance when he had it? john could hear his friends scolding cam for being so rude after john just stood an inch away from his life.

john pushes through the people at his door, opening it and swiftly closing it to prevent anyone from entering. although john tries his best, he can't close it fast enough to not let lucas in. lucas' eyes are puffy, and his face is splotchy. he looks at john with tears still rolling down his face, sobbing and barely able to breathe.

instead of saying anything, lucas runs to john, throwing himself into john's arms. john accepts the hug, wrapping his arms around the other's torso and squeezing tightly. he only cares about lucas at that moment. thinking about it, lucas is all he cares about.

in a surprising change of events, john feels lips press against his. he welcomes the feeling and kisses back. john pulls away to breathe, and he takes a moment to inspect lucas. lovely hair, beautiful eyes, wonderful smile, pretty lips. an absolutely stunning human being stood in front of him.

lucas kisses john again, and the second he pulls away to breathe he speaks for the first time since his arrival in john's home.

"i love you so fucking much. god, i love you. you're incredible, fuck. are you real? you are beyond words," lucas rambles. john smiles before hugging him tightly and putting his face in lucas' hair.

"i love you too," he simply says before connecting their lips once more.

well, now he can't die. he just admitted his love for someone, and they love him back. he can't leave lucas.

"why were you up there, love? why didn't you ask for help? i care about you so much, we all do. why were you going to leave us?" lucas asks after the kiss disconnects.

"i wanted to die."

"please don't. i love you so fucking much, i can't live without you. if you're scared of therapy, then i'll go with you. you don't have to be alone anymore. i'll be with you every step of the way, if you want me there," lucas says shakily, fidgeting with john's sleeve and avoiding eye contact. john pulls lucas' chin up so he could look him in the eyes.

"i would want nothing more." john smiles before connecting their lips again. lucas thinks he saw fireworks fly above their heads.

perhaps this is the start of a new beginning.


End file.
